It all takes a while to realise. That this is it, two months and two days left. Then I'm heading back home, or to the place I called home for 17 years. I don't know anymore, there are two lives. Sweden and here, and I don't know where I'm supposed to be. Maybe I will never know, I love this bloody country and the fact that everyone looks so surprised when I tell them yes I would actually like to come back and live here again makes me feel quite sad. It might be me being naïve and not realistically thinking about the problems South Africa have. Or is it me still loving this country even tho I see some of it, the small amount that pops my bubble of safety. I'm not sure.

 I'm gonna miss the sun and the sand, the moon and the mountains. I'm gonna miss the people who have taught me so much about life. I'm gonna miss bar one. I'm gonna miss the ones that have become my family. I'm gonna miss speaking English every day, even tho I'm far from good. I'm gonna miss the landscape. I'm gonna miss Durban and musgrave and riding in the car on my favourite road. I'm gonna miss being around people that are different, not all the same. I'm gonna miss the people that shared early mornings and late nights with me. I'm gonna miss talking about them, with someone that was there.

I'm not gonna miss every single human being I've met during my ten months. I'm not gonna miss the people that made me feel like a small little rat, I'm not gonna miss feeling misunderstood and not listened too. It's not always easy, it can be bloody hard sometimes. Sometimes more often than sometimes. 

I'm gonna miss the heat. I'm gonna miss my teachers, my school and every single little human being at Eden that I call my friend. I'm going to miss swimming in the Indian Ocean. I'm not gonna miss the humidity that I've realised hates my skin. I'm gonna miss walking around in slops hearing people saying yoh and jol and sho. I'm gonna miss living in a country with a lot of people and in a town with a large population. I'm gonna miss the diversity of people.

I'm going to miss cotton on and woolworths, palm trees and warm weather. 

I'm not gonna miss feeling so lonely and pathetic that you eventually burst into tears. I'm not gonna miss missing my family so much it gives you heartache. I'm gonna miss qwantani and the berg I'm gonna miss feeling so home and at the right place in life. 

I'm going to miss Cape Town, I'm gonna miss the art lessons, I'm gonna miss the history lessons and the amount of hours spent in the tuck shop. I'm gonna miss live, shortstraw and Jeremy loops. I'm gonna miss the botanical gardens, stressing about the matric dance and getting to know new people every time I go out. I'm going to miss hearing Zulu and aafrikans and Xhosa. 

And it all takes a while to realise that this is it?  No more Durban no more Cape Town no more incredible mountains and warm seas. No more friends and family. Because they're saying here, where they belong and I'm going back where I'm supposed to belong. I don't know anymore where I belong.

 I'm not done with you South Africa, I'm gonna come back again and until the 14:th of July I'm gonna enjoy every single second that I spend in this beautiful country.